Worry consumes me

As I look forward to the end of year 2009 and year-end holidays, I sigh in relief that another fruitful year has gone by. But, as I dwell on my plans for the remaining holidays, I find myself worrying about my form 5 life in the following year and how my thoughts will be consumed by my approaching SPM examinations.

Immediately I feel a flow of empathy coursing through me. My mind goes forward to 2010 when I imagine myself sitting for the dreaded SPM. Even now I can clearly imagine how I would rush for activities here and there because my mind is so preoccupied with what I need to do to complete the punishing daily revision schedule I have set out for myself.

My imagination just simply can't stop. In the days leading up to exam, I'm always rushing for time and my mind was constantly in turmoil. My biggest dilemma is wondering if I would be able to complete my revision in time.

The list goes on and on. What happened on me that made me such a worrying timid about future? For the first time in my life, I could no longer be in control of my everyday life. No matter how hard I thought about it, there was still no answer. Life is like a living hell indeed until I manage to pull my soul out from the complicated imagination.........

I start asking why again. And I finally got the answer. It was a short term displeasure in myself ever since I was told to become a choir conductor next year. The heavy duty and responsibility are the main worries as I look forward to focus more in my study. Nonetheless I do enjoy the special attention of being the individual facing obstacles and challenges in life. This is also because I have a lot of moral support- best friend, dear friends, family and my favourite food.

After all, these are just a phase in one's life which will soon pass. One day I believe I will turn the page and there will be no more darkness in life. Thinking of it, since I'm still at that stage in life, why not make the best of it and make it a good chapter.

许多事，失去了才明白

当我们拿自己的幸福做赌注时，赢回的却是雪雨冰霜，一颗火热的心从此被冷藏起来。也许正如别人说，寂寞使两个人走到一起，当其中一个不再寂寞时，另一个变成了累赘。沉浸在幻灭的世事里，打击与措手不及，让人领悟与成长；可能够潇洒面对友谊创伤的，又有多少人呢？

人的感情就像拼图，有许许多多的人和事拼凑起来，那些得到的，扩大了拼图的范围；而那些失去的，就让拼图有个缺。一段深厚的情谊并不容易积累，当缺失的一角没有办法获得填补时，人又怎能不憔悴呢？

上天慷慨地赐予了这俩有如亲兄妹很多，其中包括一些不可思议的回忆和点点滴滴。如果叫一方以泛红的眼目把它送远去，或许是最痛的神色；揪疼的心情无法自制，任铁石心肠也融化。留不住的，是那友谊的花朵；留下的，又是什么呢？

每一个人都不要自卑，人类有七大智能:

1. 语言/ 口才智力

2. 音乐/ 节奏智力

3. 身体/ 运动智力

4. 视觉/ 空间关系智力

5. 沟通/ 人际交往智力

6. 数理/ 逻辑智力

7. 性格特征/ 个性智力

人类有七大智能，在一个人的身上总有几项最发达的智能。举例：如果让刘翔，姚明去读理化，无论怎样努力，考试恐怕都不及格；如果让周家定，杨振宁这些数学家物理学家去跑步，打篮球，就是练上几十年也达不到刘翔，姚明的水平。

数理化学的人，他的数理/ 逻辑智能发达；而体育好的人，他的身体/ 运动智能发达。

《星光大道》节目上的一些十几岁的娃娃，能歌善舞，他们的音乐/节奏感智能很发达；像列宁，孙中山这些伟人的语言/ 口才智能很发达，他们的演讲富有热情，有文采，很有鼓动性，观众都相信他们。

我们人生应该有理想和目标，不能游戏人生。生活的态度应该是先甜后苦，前半生应该奋斗，后半生应该收获。

生活的方式应该是丰富多彩的。我们拥有七大智能，你的身上总有几项智能是发达的，因此我们要自信不要自卑哦！！

（看来这是写来告诉我自己的吧！）

爱太痛

他曾经深深地爱过一个人，对她充满无限的思念，曾经以为自己可以忘记，但时间在流逝，好多人和事都在不停地改变，以为自己对她的眷恋，也会随时间的流逝而冲淡，可是他错了，不但没有，反而随着时间的流逝，变得越来越难以割舍，就像是一坛上好的酒，封存的时间越久越加的香甜，越陷越深，无法自拔。

多年来她一直缠绕在他的梦里，梦中有她的微笑，她那模样，这么多年他居然还能清楚的记得她的样子，不管她在何方，不管距离有多远，是否能见到她，他都深深的迷恋她，他对她是发自内心的眷恋，她已经在他心里驻扎生根，甚至是成了苍天大树，他不能随时间的推移而淡忘她。

她会跟随他一辈子吗？他不知道，眷恋她太深了。真的用了心，动了情。。

他只想静静的想念她，静静的眷恋她。

在错的时间相遇，在错的时间恋上了她。

爱太痛，只能变成永久的回忆。

May our path, meet again...

As the song begins to be sung, it gives a person a blessed experienced, they had just seen real emotion, an oddity in these days. Emotions overwhelm me as I sing the song. I suddenly find myself starring at a person standing right in front of me. She's undoubtedly a special and significant figure in my life. As i look at her back, I recall the memories of us. I can still vividly remember how we got to know to each other. It was rather special especially the first few words we had for the very first time. "

Just when I thought I could be as happy as a king, I have a feeling in my guts all of a sudden. It is a kind of fear. What fear? The fear of losing someone. I clearly know that nothing lasts forever, even staying close to your closed ones.

IF WE NEVER MEET AGAIN...

It's very possible that our paths may never cross again...
I'm glad we had the opportunity to meet, but I realize that in this fast-paced world we may never see each other again. Still, I'm eager to share a discovery with you that has made a lasting difference in my life. What you have here in your hands sums it up.

Discovering our purpose for being here...
Life was intended to be much more than just working to stay ahead of bills, living for weekends, and marking time between birth and death. Life was meant to be a very satisfying experience, not just an existence.

After all that I’ve done for you, I've no regrets so far..
After all these years, knowing you in my life is always my absolute privilege.
The magic we are having, is nearing, very soon nearing a final end. We have shared much, much more- more of myself, than I can defend.
Every minute that passes, passes us by,
I dread the inevitable.
A time when we should say goodbye,
and leave a life, that’s been incredible. By then the memories we’ve lived, are forever, forever burned in my soul.
What can i do now before it's too late is by showering you with the greatest joy. May you realize your life’s dreams- happiness to its extremes. It seems we’ve been down, this road,
many times before. And in turn life has taught, my heart, to invest no more. You have seen all the passion, and the love, that I can give.

If we should wave goodbye and be drifted apart one day, I wish you always life long joy, our bond time can’t destroy. I knew deep inside early on, we would see this day. The time will come for us-- soon to go our own way. You have added to who I am- far greater than a passing fling. I wish success with all, all that life may bring. The times we are having are quite sweet- but everything must end. If we are separated, may our paths cross real soon-perhaps on 31st of February. I’ve shared all the love, my heart, can allow. We will move on soon, and carry on somehow.

My heart will be on tears. Au revoir are the only last few words that I would said to you if the day comes.

爸爸，生日快乐！

如果回想童年，有片哗啦啦掠过阳光的树荫总在记忆中——小时候坐在爸爸自行车的前横梁上，仰头总能望到这番景象。那段路非常长，笔直的，伴随沿途风景的还有爸爸的故事，有时讲着讲着，就是很明显的胡编乱造了。
但是爸爸一直很有耐心的，很愉快的，这样讲啊讲啊，讲到我看着树叶几乎睡了过去。

日后发现，在生命中能这样有耐心对我的男人，只有他。

爸爸有时候对我也很严厉。
打屁股、关小黑屋一样没少过，又是我妈说，我小时候倔得要命，和我爸，如出一辙。
事后我们父子二人，就此培养出某种默契似的，他发火时我从不出声，三分钟即会一切平复。这种恰当的沉默在日后为我来带不少好处。

从小到大，爸爸从来没有强迫过我去当什么好学生，或者跟其他小孩那样学东学西，几乎都是散养状。
尽管在青少年时期，他和妈妈之间的感情时好时坏，却从未让我感觉疏离，并被保护良好——我用爸爸的眼睛去看待世界，一切都很澄清。即没有不劳而获，也没有无端端的冤屈。所有愉快和不愉快的都是人生经历而已。
爸爸总说，他没有在物质上给我创造太多优越。
其实他给了我这样一笔巨大的财富，直到挥霍至老，都取之不尽。

我问爸爸，生日愿望是什么。
他说，希望能看到我成功且自立。
“爸爸，我会努力实现它的。”

现在爸爸和我虽然每天都住在同一个屋檐下，有时候没说几句话就会看到他忙碌的身影匆匆而去. 爸爸近两年更是操劳了许多, 头上脱了不少的头发，脸上也长出了小小的皱纹。但是爸爸在我心中永远潇洒年轻因为他无比年轻的心态！他的心灵永远会伴着他年轻的心态舞动！他的脚步永远向 着道路宽广的那一边不断迈近！！爸爸是我人生当中的坐标，没有他我今生今世不能站在这样的高度上去远望！感谢你，爸爸，因为你, 梦想的距离变得不再遥远! 今天是你的生日, 这一天儿子没有什么特别送给你的礼物, 因为他不想花爸爸的钱给爸爸的生日买礼物, 他只想对他说一句话：
“爸，我爱你。。祝你生日快乐， 身心如意！”

A candle at its last moments...

4:07pm, the time where most normal people would have been busy with their respective activities... What am I doing then? In this moment of silence where I can only hear the clock ticking and the sound of my own heartbeat. Peering out the tinted window between the narrow opening of the greenish-grey floral curtains, I could see the trees dancing in breeze as if they were there to cheer me up. Once again, the blue sky had been taken over by dark clouds and soon the rain would fall. On the spur of the moment, I had time to reflect on my day. What had I done today? To be honest nothing productive...

My memories of the past, the moments of joy and anguish came back to me like a tornado..... BANG!! I suddenly found myself thinking back of my sad school life in form 4... The painess I had is like an arrow piercing through my heart. My once colourful world had now turn grey and lifeless.

The painful moments in 2009:

1. Being accused by a teacher.
2. Not given even the slightest recognition and appreciation from somebody after sacrifising so much for something.
3. Had heated arguments with friends because of some complicated misunderstandings.
4. Poor time management that causes me for being so lethargic all the time.
5. Fooled by close friends in a video clip. Unbelievable!?
6. Insulted by a friend for failing to do well in my add maths paper during monthly test. ( As u know my mum is an add maths teacher.)
7. Missing my beloved when she's away for weeks....( to somewhere)
8. Felt extremely down when I was unable to celebrate my loved one's birthday with her and failed to be by her side. Instead she had a memorable one somewhere with others... Am i being jealous??
9. Juggle too much between studies and activities.
10. Loss respects from school teachers mainly due to my long time absence in class and often hand in homework late (with reasons).
11. Disappoint my mum when there's complaints from teachers about me in staff room, be it the small matters.. I wil get screwed up after that k?!
12. Being 'emo' too much in front of my close friends. They got annoyed and obviously very irritated.
13. Loss my place in representing the school badminton team in district level competition even after playing impressively in my game in front of teacher, mainly because of discrimination.
14. Scolded by dad unnecessarily at times and family isn't supportive enough.
15. Unable to excel in studies and co-curricular activities. Fail to live up the expectations on me. After putting much effort, yet i still find myself at the losing end....
16. Hate being compared to others. ( I'm who I am, I don't change myself to accomodate others.)
17. Love exists but not in me.
18. Had a serious conflict with my good friend.
19. Accused of being fake and not sincere.
20. Never plays a good role as a leader. A good-for-nothing.


What've I done to deserve such fate? Things that I've been believing all this while have not stood me in good stead. In times of adversity I've been strong and unwavered in my belief that this is just part and parcel of life and I should just knuckle up and soak it up...it seems I'm very close to breaking down. No matter how brave a face I put up in front of people and act like I'm very tough but the naked truth is that the countless obstacle I faced had not toughen me up. It has just weakened my resolve...I hate to admit that I'm fragile but this is what I am now. Feeling totally defeated and discouraged that I had screwed up again!!

Silent tears started rolling down my cheeks unstoppably....................................... How I wished the pouring rain would wash my tears away. Only if I become a memory..........be it one day....

If I Became A Memory 如果我变成回忆- 听后感

It was quite a while since I started to listen to Tank Lu's latest album, The 3rd Round. Not sure why it was named so, but I guess most probably it's because this is his 3rd album. And it didn't take long for me to identify my most favourite song; 如果我变成回忆 (Ru Guo Wo Bian Cheng Hui Yi) which means if I become a memory.

I felt unusual about the title of the song. I don't know why, but I was wondering why would a song has this kind of title. "If I become a memory.." Sounds rather deep to me. Emotions totally rule the feeling of the whole song...

The singer, Tank Lu, underwent a heart surgery. He has severe arrythmia, a genetic heart disease where the heart beats irregularly. And according to reports, he was at the verge of death. But he managed to survive, obviously. So, this song, as what I was told, is about his feelings during that time. Now, I finally understand why it was named so. This is such a marvelous song! It really touched my heart when I knew every meaning of the verse to me..

Here's the thought that flows in my mind about this song.....

只有分开或者是离开后才会有回忆，怀念才会得以铺展。
有的时候，是不得不的离别。为了各自不同的远方，与某个城市，某段过去，作一次告别。
没有人喜欢孤单上路，如果这个城市还可以值得留恋，也该有个人对自己不舍，这样的离开才不会太凄凄落落。
于是有了离别的车站，有了执手相看泪眼。
紧紧相拥，安慰对方说， 没有关系，我会想你的，况且我们有美好的回忆。
然后约好千万不要回头。
却还是回首又回首，追逐又追逐。

你我都是俗人，逃不了这样的凄凄离别。
然而人生中的太多离别，也在不断地告诫我们：最好不要为了离别而流泪。
你逐渐明白，在很短的时间里，你就已经丢掉了很多人，也被很多人丢弃。
你的心、你的眼睛，都经不起太多的折腾。
它们如果太敏感，就会感受到更多的痛。
所以，看淡了吧。习惯了吧。
当下就已经这样紧迫了，哪有多少时间留给过去？

可是，有些人，却一直停留在过去式里。。。
所以，有些人，即使分开了很久，我们依然还是会在意，
如果我已经变成了回忆，你又在哪里？
你又会如何对别人形容多年以前的我？

偶尔，也会勾勾手指，细数，有多少年没有见了？一年，三年，还是，五年，十年……
许是很久很久了吧，可以回忆的东西正在慢慢地被时间吞噬掉。
就快要不记得了，是怎样的相识，又是因为怎样地离别……

所以，在还没有做好准备前，请千万不要轻易说离别。
因为你根本不能保证还能不能回到他的世界。
也不要轻易地相信“我会想你”，尽管忘记并不是你们的本意。
你只活在他的过去，而你的当下，他的当下，未曾相识。

如果相爱，请尽量地出现在彼此的视线。
如果有思念，一定不要太久。
太久了，他就只记得你过去的模样，而认不出现在你的样子。

我对压力的看法

最近看了电视台新闻频道一个关于“压力”的节目，有自己不同的看法。作为电视台，应该说是抓住了一个具有典型意 义的话题，因为在当代社会，竞争日益激烈，使得越来越多的人有了种种生活压力，诸如工作、家庭等等方面的压力。这是一个带有普遍现象的现实问题，它使 很多人感到了生活这个沉重的担子。

我觉得如果处处感到生活的压力，那么你的生活还处于一种被动状态。你始终被外在的事物推着走，在这样的处境下自然会 感到种种压力向你袭来了。如果你换一种角度，充分发挥你的主观能动性，以积极乐观的态度去面对生活，去迎接生活，我相信你的压力感便不会那么强烈的。你甚 至感觉不到压力的存在，你会变压力为动力，以此去实现自己美好的理想和愿望。在那个电视节目的测试中，有的人就没有感觉到压力，这与他们有着不同的生活态 度是秘切相关的。我想只要能积极乐观地面对生活，你就不会为压力所困扰。假如你消极悲观，那么面对这样一个竞争激烈的社会，你自然会处于被动状态，以致会 感到无所适从。生活虽然有残酷的、阴暗的一面，但她总体而言是美好的，是令人欢喜的。

你如果处于一种浮躁的心态，必然也会感到巨大的生活压力。现今浮躁的人颇有一些，他们总是急功近利，总想轻松而快速 地得到想要的东西，于是无形中便给自己增添了压力。工作轻松，责任小，收入高，是许多年轻人向往的东西。这确实够诱惑人的，然而世上哪有那么美好的事呢！ 好东西是要靠辛勤的努力得来的，人人都想不劳而获，可能吗？假如你怀着一颗平和的心，默默地耕耘你所热爱的事业，最终你就会水到渠成地实现美好的理想，而 压力在你面前自然都不存在了。压力，使你处于被动的地位，使你感到生活的沉重，何苦呢！生活多么美好，我们不应该为压力所困扰――只要积极乐观地去面对生 活，压力在我们面前就必然会迎刃而解！

说到这，我还得感谢一人。因为她在我面对种种压力和困难时，给予不遗余力的支持和鼓励。。。她曾经看告诉我：“其实，压力是一种推动力，有了推动力才会有进步”。。这一番话，像春雨，像小溪， 流入我的心田。虽然话儿不多，但分量却很重，语话里的每一个字，都深深敲响我的心悬。。。至今仍无法忘记。。我把这话当成“乐于宁静”，就从被动一变而成主动，从无奈转变成喜悦了。所以，积极乐观的生活态度，是我们消除压力、克服一切困难的良方。人们总爱用鲜花，掌声迎接成功者，但须知成功的路上坎坷，荆棘，崎岖，有人爱用责怪，嘲笑对待失败者，但须知失败中包藏着希望，孕育着胜利。



感谢你啦!!!!!!!!!

就是这张纸。。。

The Wet Loving Kiss

My mum grew up in a traditional Chinese family where open expressions of love were never encouraged. When she had me and my three siblings, she treated us the with the same hard hand. It was not that she was a slave driver or anything, but she never openly showed affection. Instead, she demonstrated that she cared in more practical ways.

My parents couldn't have been more different emotionally. My dad is a really open-hearted person who constantly showers us with hugs and kisses no matter the occasion.

The difference between my parents was never stark than during the times I brought home good test results from school. My dad would practically jump for joy, offering warm and affectionate words of congratulations. And my mother? "Ah, good, good," she would typically say with a tense smile etched on her face. "Do better next time, OK?"

I tried not to grudge against her for being so reserved. That was just her way, I reasoned.

It was the kisses that we children secretly yearned for. I received a peck on the cheek from her once in a while when I was a small little naive kid. I can remember the kisses, awkward and wet, from her lipstick. I would rub the smudge on my cheek, trying to look disgusted but secretly glad to get a once-in-a-blue-moon kiss from mummy.

Last year I was called to attend one of the choir practices in my secondary school. I desperately wanted to get there. Since we lived quite far away from school, 10 kilometers away, my dad had to drive me all the way to school before attending office. My mum, being her usual worrywart self, said she wanted to come along since she had to attend a company's yearly meeting with dad. As soon as I boarded the car, I just plopped down onto window seat and turned my back to my mum. She knew what I was like and sat down beside me without saying a word. I was drained mainly because of last night's farewell party that ended very late. I looked sick but insisted to attend the choir practice. Dad was immediately furious at me, he scolded me and asked me to quit joining choir, saying that it would be the last time he would sent me. While I lashed back at my dad, tears started flowing down from my snore eyes. The depression that i had was beyond words could describe. I could no longer bear the scolding. As the car pulled onto highway, drowsiness began to take over and i was asleep in no time.

Not long afterwards, I was awakened by the pitter-patter of rain on the window. I kept my eyes closed- it allowed me time to think and just relax. My head was lolling to the left, close to my mum. Then, just as I was about to open my eyes, I felt her hand caressing my cheek. That really threw me off. I squeezed my eyes tighter, not knowing what to expect next.

I heard her murmur, "I support you," And then it came: a wet kiss, tinged with the familiar feeling of that usual lipstick, on my cheek.

I was stunned. As tears again welled in my eyes, I turned to the other side to prevent her from seeing them. I slowly opened my eyes and stared out the window, gazing at the trees whizzing past on highway. The lump in my throat just kept growing and growing. I practically had to force it down to prevent my mum from hearing me sob.

Never in all my life did i expect such a gesture from my "colder than stone" mum. It made me realise that she did love me, even though she never made a big show of it. Instead she demonstrated her feelings through all the little things she did.

I did not think I could face her without bawling my eyes out. However, with all the emotional strength I could muster, I turned towards her. Her eyes were closed and her mouth was slightly open. As i gazed at her face, peppered with wrinkles and lines that showed her age, I realised at that point that I was looking at my mother in a whole new light.

Then, as if my stare had awakened her from her slumber, her eyes fluttered open and she turned to me. "What? Do I have something on my face? Or?! Aiyo...Why are your eyes so puffy? Don't be bothered much by daddy's scolding... Everything will be fine after that..."

I held back a smile as I listened to her go on and on. For once, I was not irritated or annoyed by what she said. It was just her way.

I finally understand that all she does is out of love, and that means more to me than a wet loving kiss....

The true strength of mankind

The true strength of mankind lies in their ability to bounce back after suffering dissappointments in life. You're great when you are on top but greater when you can get back on top after falling down from it. Shit happens in life but there is no reason to stop trying just because you failed once, twice, thrice and so on.(ok in some instances you don't have the luxury of unlimited chances) The loser will one day get his victory...

I will be the one...

心目中的女神

不在乎天使的面孔，魔鬼的身材...只在乎她落落大方的谈吐举止，并带有一丝楚楚可怜令人疼惜与想保护她的样子。不妒嫉，不挑剔和不无理取闹更是男人梦寐 以求的对象。 哈哈先来一个虚构女神...把may hui的天真活泼， shi ning的单纯， ling yuan的淘气， suet mei的斯文大方， may chi的高雅和智慧以及min wern的样貌与身材全部加起来...不得了! 我想象看见这个合成版女神时，心都会溶去...每每被人问起为什么还是单身，我都无言以对...为什么？我不挑剔但我也不勇敢表达...我只会暗恋而且在 没有适当的鼓励并不会主动出击。（典型的水瓶座男孩）

最后想想，妈咪还是我心目中的女神。 选美轮不到她，诺贝尔奖也没她份，但她会是这世上最爱我，最疼我，最爱拉我耳朵的女人。 她煮的菜也会是最棒的。 任何一个女人能有她十分一都会是我心目中的女神...哈哈我不算太贪吧！

沒有 "常在心" 的日子

心情已经渐渐平复，或许泪水已经流干了。 我做了一些很不该的东西，但是我真的不知道还可以做些什么...该哭都哭了，该说的也说了...我很想往前走，可是每当我做每一件事的时候，我都会想 哭...我的心真的很痛...谁可以医治我的痛楚? 人人都说时间可以冲淡一切，但这一刻我还是放不下。我知道这么做对某些是不公平的，但我不是圣人，我只是一个普通的人...我已经厌倦了当好人...这个 坏人就让我来当吧！这个世界或许就是这么残酷，我一直以来想信的理念已经背叛了我。我不想再当一个没人会欣赏的好人，一个人人都不放在眼里的无名小卒。有 谁曾经把我认真看待过呢？我此时此刻并不厌恨任何一方，我只怪我自己那么无能，应该做的事我却没去做，不该做的事我却全部做齐了。我一经没有能力再面对某 些人...请原谅我的无能...就让我自己默默承受吧。

没人欣赏的无名氏。

The Coffee Lesson

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress and work in life. Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups- porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite- telling them to help themselves to the coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said: "If u noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress."

What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups and were eyeing each other's cups. Now consider this: Life is the coffee, and the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, and do not change the quality of Life. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided."

So, don't let the cups drive you... Enjoy the coffee instead.

"THE HAPPIEST PEOPLE DON'T HAVE THE BEST OF EVERYTING. THEY JUST MAKE THE BEST OF EVERYTHING."